Traveling to the United States From Asia, Part 2

In the first post we covered some of the scenery you might expect to see in several states in America.  Now we will cover how you can expect to travel throughout the U.S.  Again remember this is a tongue-n-cheek review, so take what we say with a little grain of salt :)
Yes, there are wonderful places to drive to and visit in America. But first, you must be prepared to understand how to get around America once you disembark from your trans-Pacific airline flight and land at an airport in America.
You see, the American public transportation system is nowhere near as well developed as it is in most Asian countries. In America, if you don’t have a car, you are like a cowboy of 150 years ago without a horse!
Upon arrival at an American airport, you will see a great number of companies that will rent you a car to drive. There is Hertz where they tell you that you are in the driver’s seat. Then there is Avis who tries harder to please you.
To rent a car in America, you first must produce a valid driver’s license with your picture and government serial number on it. The pleasant person working behind the car rental counter will check your driver’s license against a great number of American police databases — FBI, IRS, BATF, DHS, TSA, CIA, NSA, DOA, FCC, FDA — to make sure that you are not wanted anywhere in the world for criminal activity.
If your identity has been stolen in the past and you are identified as being someone who has recently committed a crime in your name, even when you are completely innocent(!), you can be held by American authorities for up to 48 hours until someone finally figures out that you are really you.
Once you have been fingerprinted, photographed and cleared of all charges, you will finally be able to rent a car from a car rental company.
The first thing you should do when you get your rental car is to look carefully under the seats, in the glove compartment and in the trunk to make sure that the previous person who rented that car did not leave behind any pills, needles, hash pipes, razor blades, bullets or other items that could be claimed to be yours in the event that you are ‘pulled over’ by an American police officer.
If an officer should stop you for driving even one mile per hour over the speed limit, or if you are not steering your car in the precise middle of the lane, or if you forget to engage your directional signal in advance of making a turn, or if you look ‘different’ or somehow suspicious in any way, the officer may ask you to get out of the car, in which case it could go very badly for you if any of the above items (called ‘paraphernalia’) are found in the car and are assumed to belong to you!
But not to worry, these things hardly ever happen. Besides, if you rent a luxury stretch limousine and let a courteous, professional and highly experienced limo driver chauffeur you around, you can be assured of an enjoyable American motoring experience with none of the aforementioned inconveniences.
So enjoy your trip to America, take in the beautiful scenery and above all, be safe in your elegant American limousine rental!